you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
