She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
