Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
