remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
