I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
