I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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