he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
