well I can't set my house on fire every night
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
