You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
