Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
