I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
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