how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
