Three words: puerto rican gang bang
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
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