God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
