I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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