when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
