I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
