This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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