yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
