Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
