We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
