So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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