just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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