Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Randomize
