there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
