the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
My breasts were aching with rage.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
