I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
