you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
