whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
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