i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize
