In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
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