Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
