Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
