Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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