She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
