Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
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I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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