i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
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