She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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