I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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