i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
