when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
We don't watch enough power rangers
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize
