life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
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