Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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