Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
party gras won. party gras always wins.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
