i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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