I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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