he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
