so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
and you fell through a lawn chair
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
