hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
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