if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
