Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
