okay pat passed out under dana's car
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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