In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
