I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
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