My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Randomize
