Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
