I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
