You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
