Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Everyone says I win the strip club
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
