I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
