he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
