There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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