i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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