I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
