I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Pants are for mortals
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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