Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
