mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
I'm going to jail i love you
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
