she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
