I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Randomize
