No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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