You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
